


Breathe

by Oliver__Niko



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Fluff, Gender Dysphoria, M/M, Menstruation, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Trans Felix Hugo Fraldarius, Trans Male Character, implied chronic illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:35:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26144974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oliver__Niko/pseuds/Oliver__Niko
Summary: Felix finds it difficult to rest when pain and sickness bring him down. Sylvain is there to help in any way he can.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Comments: 9
Kudos: 64





	Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> Complete comfort fic I wrote for myself after some harsh few weeks. Enjoy!

Felix buries his face into a pillow as soon as the door opens. Goddess, his head. Sylvain is careful, slow when shutting it after himself, but the sound still seems to pierce straight through Felix’s skull.

“Here we go, Felix.” Even Sylvain’s voice is gentle. “Manuela gave me a potion and a hot water bottle. I also thought a damp cloth would be good for your head.”

Felix brings his face out from the pillow. He places it to one side, although still keeps his knees brought up to himself as Sylvain sits down on the bed besides him. Curling up seems to help it not hurt quite as badly.

“Sorry for making you race around for me.” Felix takes the potion from Sylvain.

“Not at all. I know that going to her makes you uncomfortable.”

Felix hums. It’s not as though Manuela judges you or treats you differently for who you are. Gender, sexuality, race—none of it matters, for all she wants is for her students to be safe. But the reality is that she _knows._ Even if she doesn’t question his existence in the slightest, merely the knowledge that he is not quite the same as the average male student is enough to make his chest tighten.

It’s not always this bad. Other times, he wishes he could simply be like anyone else, in more ways than one.

He’s quick to down the potion. Gulping to get it over with usually works best for him. These are something else he doesn’t have often, despite how one would expect it to be necessary. Potions and anything else to ease symptoms noticeably work little for chronic issues he has—an outside source like this, however, can often be managed by taking them.

“Hopefully it settles in soon,” says Sylvain. “How’s the pain right now?”

“Absolutely lousy. I hate how long this build-up to it lasts for, when the actual thing barely lasts long at all.” Felix takes the hot water bottle next, easing it under his shirt against his abdomen. What causes him to sigh, however, is Sylvain sliding a cool, damp cloth beneath his bangs against a burning forehead.

“Nice?” Sylvain asks, Felix seeing a smile before he leans back and closes his eyes.

“It helps a bit. Mostly with the fever.” The hand holding the dampened cloth shifts so more of the material covers his skin. “I hate getting like this. For a lot of reasons.”

“Are any especially bothering you right now?”

“I guess it’s everything. I hate feeling more and more useless on the battlefield as my symptoms get worse, the days I’m too drained and in pain to go. I hate not being able to train as much and being seen as weak.” He pauses, before adding in a quieter voice, “And it all makes me dysphoric as hell. Knowing I wouldn’t have to deal with a lot of this if I was just born differently.”

“Though I can’t understand it personally, it _is_ understandable that it all weighs down on you so terribly,” says Sylvain. “But you aren’t seen as weak. Goddess, with all you do for us on the battlefield, people would want you to have breaks even if you _didn’t_ have health issues.”

Felix hums, not fully convinced; his worth lies in what he can achieve, after all. “I guess.”

“I mean it. You’re allowed to rest, the same as anyone else.”

“I feel like I rest too much.”

“You don’t do so _enough.”_

Felix remains silent. Perhaps he knows this deep down. When putting his own situation on someone else, he knows he would give them the same lectures as he’s given; to not overexert themselves, that if it is productivity they stress over, they will be all the more productive if they actually slow down and give themselves time to be refreshed.

It’s simply hard to turn that around on himself, when there are so many reasons he sees it as important to prove himself.

“I don’t really know how to relax,” says Felix eventually. “I’m too tired to concentrate on preparing swords or studying, I certainly can’t train right now. So what do I do?”

There’s a sad smile on Sylvain’s face. Felix knows the cause; putting the meaning of his existence in something deemed as ‘necessary’, not having a hobby in his life simply to … have fun with, and nothing else. “Are you comfortable with me hugging you?”

Felix ponders this. Calculating every little factor, like how he cannot wear a binder with his pain right now, how feverish he is. How he’s not sure if his emotions are so haywire at the moment that such close contact will cause him to do something stupid like cry. “Not at the moment.”

“Okay. But you do seem to want contact right now.” Sylvain shifts the damp cloth to the side of Felix’s head, smiling when the latter leans into it automatically.

He really does need that closeness. To an extent. Felix eases Sylvain’s arm away from him, shifting so he is soon lying down on the bed, his head resting in Sylvain’s lap. He continues to hold the hot water bottle against his abdomen.

“This will do,” he says, as though he cannot suppress a smile appearing when Sylvain’s fingers run through his hair.

“Yeah, I like this a lot.” They remain silent for a moment, Felix simply appreciating the feel of Sylvain’s touch, before the latter continues. “Going back to what you said, too.”

“Mm?”

“I’m not going to try and comfort your dysphoria, because I know it won’t really help you right now. You know you’re a man and that I find you _incredibly_ handsome. So what I can say is that you won’t be in this spot forever.” Sylvain tucks Felix’s bangs behind his ear. “You’ve already been taking hormone potions for a while. Soon enough, they’re going to put a stop to these. It might not solve everything, and I know you still might get some symptoms for a bit, but it won’t be this intense forever.”

Felix hums. “You’re right. I guess I’m just sick of waiting.”

“Understandable. You were the same when you were waiting on hormones too, after all. But I’m here to try and make the waiting a little more bearable for you.”

“… Thanks, Sylvain.” Felix’s voice is quiet, correlating with how his eyes close; it doesn’t take away the struggle, but it does seem to be that little more possible if he has someone who understands him by his side. “Sorry for needing all this pep talk.”

“We all need reassurance and validation sometimes, that’s okay. You do the exact same to me with my struggles.”

“Someone has to keep you in check,” says Felix, to which Sylvain chuckles.

“And you’ve done a marvellous job of it, I’m sure.”

They remain in a content silence together. Those fingers continuing to stroke through Felix’s hair, reminding him that he is glad he never cut it after all; a gentle hum under Sylvain’s breath, the warmth and comfort of his lap.

The humming soon turns into Sylvain telling the story of a book he is currently reading, and Felix finds himself pulled further and further back into the moment, away from all those thoughts flitting around his mind.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to find me on Twitter @nikobynight if you'd like to see updates on my writing and also my FE3H/NSFW art pieces too. Thanks for reading!


End file.
